Why is it so difficult to listen? There is a void deep within the recesses of the human mind and this space one saves for something exceptional and special. What is special and why exceptional? After all we have been conditioned and based on this conditioning we look for a pattern that adheres to our own prejudices and yet leaves a little room to inquire into something other than what one has become accustomed. I meet a boy or a girl and he or she looks a little different from all the people I have met. I speak with her and find many similarities and some idiosyncrasies; quirks, quirks that I’ve recognized in myself but have yet to develop, and seeing these nascent oddities in myself I become a little curious of this new person, which makes me curious about a fractal of an identity hidden within myself.
For one reason or another I’ve looked up some past friends and was delighted to see what I have seen. I was able to locate one of them who was mentioned in a news article. I suppose the delight comes out of the prospect of continuing an old friendship, but then of course I got to thinking why the relationship ended in the first place and I soon found myself detached and the idea of rekindling an old relationship unappealing.
There are so many possibilities now. Once I was a boy… I was afraid of where my next meal would come from, worried about where and how I might sleep but as I sit here now these things concern me not. I see the people around me and I can feel the chaotic tension, the petty little thoughts like the silly tv hosts on YouTube all echoing the same tune, mantras in a different key, “in their own unique way.” I think people are starting to realize what’s been going on. Why do I as a parent have to torment my children to strive for a good education, a good job, or a successful business within a system which inherently was created to enslave the rest of us, that is those of us that are not a part of “The Club”? We get an education only to be at the mercy of a system, which they call capitalism or democracy but I fail to see how it’s any different from its feudalistic ancestor from which it was derived, that is “the system” only runs so long as there are corruptible people to uphold it. Shouldn’t our children deserve the freedom to lead whatever life they choose unencumbered?
If I love my children wouldn’t I want them to love the life they live? However much I try to fool myself and others, I’m extremely unhappy with my life, so why am I grooming my children to follow in my footsteps? I am utterly miserable but I do absolutely nothing for myself and am always searching endlessly for something outside to move me, to change me, to reach out to me, to save me and help me escape the endless life of chasing this insatiable pattern that I know as daily living. I could stand on the streets and riot with the rest of them. I could go and live isolated on an island. I might go to South America and live among with natives and live a life that has yet to be intruded upon. And so I wait, I wait for the perfect moment, endlessly wait for that something or someone special, exceptional.